I sent Steven an email - I need help - I can't do this anymore. We fight about EVERYTHING!!!
We made a time to meet and inside I thought, "This is it - the last chance, if this doesn't work I'm leaving." Not the first time I'd had these thoughts by any stretch of the imagination but it felt like I had reached my tipping point.
When Steven outlined these strategies I had a series of thoughts almost simultaneously "Just this?" " It feels too easy." "Surely it can't just be this?"
He did warn me that they were simple but not easy and I really found this to be true. What was so amazing about this for me was that I could use each strategy for each stage of the fight. I loved the idea of the Avoid Strategy - I mean who want's to fight when you don't have to. Unfortunately I was a bit hooked into our fight pattern so I had to practice using the Defuse Strategy quite a few times on the first few days.
Surprisingly the biggest change came when we had an almighty blow-up about (I'm embarrassed to say the brand of coffee pods we buy). It definitely took me longer than 15 minutes to prepare for doing the Repair Strategy but I can still see the look of shock on James's face. He was literally lost for words and amazingly he mumbled, "I'm sorry too."
This BLEW my mind I called my mum and told my friends and then I remembered Steven's Bonus Reconnect Strategy.
It was so much fun - I couldn't believe it that the afternoon after this huge (totally stupid) fight - I was preparing this amazing reconnect and I was having the time of my life. I didn't feel resentful or bitter or petty - I just felt lucky and grateful and like I could see this big gorgeous man who I fell in love with (who can be a totally annoying PITA). I recognise that he is a good man and I don't want to fight with him. I want to be on a team with him. I know I'm gonna mess up again and we will need to pull out these strategies again and again but what I have now is HOPE - Fighting is not going to be our relationship death knell.
P.S. The Reconnect Strategy - was an Amazing Success James keeps looking at me like, "Wow who are you?"